“Everything will be fine”: what’s wrong with this expression

What happens to us when a loved one is bad? Usually we worry about him, we sincerely want to help. “Everything will be fine,” we say the first thing that comes to mind, not understanding that we are depreciating his experiences. And this is just the top of the iceberg. What is wrong with this phrase and why it is better to use alternative options, the psychologist Tatyana Kirichenko explains.

If you pronounce the words “everything will be fine”, wanting to cheer up a person, then in ten cases out of a

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hundred they will work as a kind of emotional message. But what are they really about?

Empty promises

Despite the meaning of individual words, this phrase is at least meaningless. And at the maximum – destructive. In fact, this is just a deception, because everything is good in life by definition. Everything happens in life: good, and bad, and joy, and sadness.

Everything will be fine, but what exactly – “all”? Who? When? This phrase invites you not to notice reality, lose contact with it, stay in pink glasses.

On the other hand, this is a promise that may not come true. And, to be honest, rarely, someone deep down believes in what he says. Then why promise if you cannot predict the future? And if a person hoped, but the promise did not come true, then he will also be awaiting deep disappointment.

Devaluation of feelings

The most significant problem arising from the phrase “everything will be fine” is the depreciation. For example, a person is saddened. He is sad. He experiences failure, mourn the loss. And we say: “Everything will be fine”. What is the message? “Don’t be upset. All this is nonsense “.

Speaking up to a frustrated person so that he does not be upset, we are going against the natural course of mental processes. As if we demand from him: “Don’t feel, don’t, don’t live. Your feelings are not valuable, not important, not correct. “.

It is at this moment that the danger arises that a person will go into a fictional positive. And uninhabited emotions will remain inside and can result in psychosomatic diseases.

A look from top to bottom

Another important aspect: the phrase violates the hierarchy. There are not many senior figures in our life: parents, bosses. For some, these are power structures, for believers-God and the saints. In other words, this is that more than us – older, wiser, stronger. Those to whom we believe a priori.

The phrase “everything will be fine” is always pronounced from the position of the older figure. Mom can promise that everything will be fine, but thereby she takes responsibility for her words. When this phrase says a person with whom you are on an equal foot. A strong, stable and self -confident personality regrets you, so upset, lost and unfortunate.

This approach is also unspoken and not environmentally friendly. However, there are exceptions. For example, when it comes to spouses or close friends and when one of them asks the other about support. In this case, the one -time “Well, say that everything will be fine?” – this is the search for the support that is currently necessary.

If this phrase is requested on an ongoing basis, then this most likely indicates the infantility of the asking person, his uncertainty and unwillingness to solve the problem in effective ways. It’s easier to look for hope.

By the way, faith in this sense is a much more mature feeling. For example, if a person is in the hospital or just gets sick, then it’s better to say not this phrase, but “I believe that you can handle and the disease will retreat. I’m very sorry that you ended up here. I understand that now you are upset, but let’s believe that soon it will become easier for you. “.

How to say otherwise?

This phrase has many alternatives. Whatever the situation, it is always better to sympathize with a person, make it clear that you see how bad it is. For example, say: “You are upset, this is true. I see you’re sad. I hear your pain. I understand you and I sympathize with you “.

Pour tea, hug, take by the hand – any manifestation of care will show you that you do not care. And such behavior will be much more constructive than the promises of the fact that everything will be fine.

The same rule works with children. If the child is bad, do not urge him not to be upset. It is much more important to him that you heard and understand: “Yes, baby, now you have failed. You have lost your toy and are very upset. This is absolutely normal. I would also be upset if I lost my favorite toy “. Thus, you make it clear to the child that this is a natural process, part of life, and do not make a good mine with a bad game.


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